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September 2012

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“It’s been two years, isn’t it?”He turned his head low to look straight into her eyes across the table. She got slightly startled by the stare and gave him a light shrug.

“I don’t really count that kind of thing, honestly.” She said in a flat tone. “Does it even matter? I mean, we are not-“

He abruptly stop her by making such a facial expression, like he’s in utter shock.

“That hurts… I remember clearly the first time you started to clinging on me.” The sly smile plastered over his face.

“I..-I didn’t cling to anyone! You w-were the one who approaching me!” 

He let out a chuckle then outstretched his hands, squeezing your cheeks. Which annoyed you. He then pulled out, leaning his back to the cushion. Taking a soft sigh. The sound of his breath that she missed.

“I hurt you so much, aren’t I?” 

As much as she wanted to scream and pour tears right at the moment, to let out all of her sorrow of those sleepless night. Telling him that he just make everything gone too difficult to handle, but she just can’t. Their relationship were too complicated for both of them to continue. He once offered her a hollow air when she gave her everything to help him breath. 

So many things played in her head, looking down to the unfinished pasta. She thought of the impact if she decided to let him know, everything that might cleared the situation, or maybe making it even more worse. She thought of the people around her, what would be their reaction is she decided for a reconcile with him. So many things that would make her world turned upside down.

“Are you okay?” He moved his seat to be right beside her as he rubbed his hand to her forearm.

She let out a deep sigh, “I’m fine…” holding to his hand which still stayed on her forearm.

He suddenly turned her body to facing him, giving her a hug. A year has passed after they last sharing a hug. A hug that could melt their longing and worries. But this time, it just doesn’t feel right to her.

“We shouldn’t hugging like this. Aren’t we?” She mumbled to his clothes,  inhaled his scent. It smells just like him.

He leaned to her head recalling how comforting this hug was. No, it’s always comforting him. “Why? You’re embarrassed that people might giving us a weird look? Or because we aren’t together anymore so we are not suppose to do this?”  

The surrounding doesn’t really bothering her, the cafe they were in isn’t that crowded.

“…Both of them.” Despite her answer, she tighten her grip on his back.

He let go of the hug, lowered himself to be face to face. Looking through her eyes as holding to both of her hands which made her cheeks felt burnt.

“We may not together anymore, but I still want to be the one who you would close with.”

“Why did we breakup then?” She whispered, looking to their intertwined palms.

“I…” He took a brief pause. “I was taking so much advantages from you back then. I don’t think I could keep hurting you that way.”

“So you prefer the break up?”

“It’s the only thing that I could do before I ruined our friendship as well.”

“So tell me what are we doing right now?” She pulled out her hands. “Being friends all over again?”

“That’s what I intended to do.” He said without any doubt in his voice.

Didn’t he thought what would have happened?

She might fall all over again, to the same hole she was lost at.